(This is a letter that was e-mailed to me from an anonymous source. The author is a female Minister of The Gospel.)
Hello:
I stumbled upon your website while doing some research on-line. I purchased your book and am looking forward to being blessed and transformed by it. I frequented some of your blogs and was very much blessed by your ministry. I would like to acquire counsel on a matter…
I have a friend who I do believe God placed in my life. She loves Jesus and spiritually we can dialog about the word and spiritual matters and it is awesome because most often I am the one imparting so it is nice to have someone who can counter share with me and we can explore the word, and God and destiny together.
My friend is married and I am single. In the past we have not governed our relationship properly and at one point were getting our sexual needs met from the relationship. In my effort to reorder the relationship with her and God, I refused to participate in these acts further which my friend was not happy with and really became very controlling and manipulative…..very Jezebelic to say the least. This caused me to have to cut off contact all together for a season. While in the midst of pressuring me she became pregnant and her and her husband had a beautiful baby boy.
All of this happened over a three year span. It was only after becoming pregnant that my friend realized she was out of order and needed to get delivered. However, this was very challenging to me as I felt betrayed. Even though she is supposed to have sex with her husband and not me and that was something I was wanting her to do, I was upset at the fact of her trying to pursue me and even becoming vicious and upset with me to the point of just being hateful and vindictive….I can’t begin to describe some of the things she has said and done to me in an effort to get me; to punish me for making a decision not to sleep with her any further
Now that my friend has acquired a perspective on our relationship, we have strived to work on restoring our friendship in a Godly fashion. She now however, appears to have the perspective of diving in head first; her reasoning is she understands we can’t go back and she is not that person anymore, however, I have lots of cautions and challenges and need to and desire to take the process of restoring our friendship very slowly.
One of my biggest challenges is that I have some heart issues against her regarding her baby boy. When talking to me, she calls him the miracle child because he is the reason she turned from the error of her ways and saw what she was doing was wrong, but for me, he reminds me of how she treated me and in some ways it almost feels like she cheated on me even though naturally that isn’t realistic since she is married and we weren’t supposed to be doing anything in the first place; not to mention, I was opting out of the relationship, but that is how my heart feels and I have not been able to get past it no matter how much we talk about it. I know my main issues are how she treated me at that time and then bam…I’m pregnant…it almost felt like she did it to retaliate against me and hurt me although she said that she was really trying to work on her marriage and do what I was encouraging her to do which was to work on her marriage and get her needs met through her husband…so with her actions she was doing this but with her words and deeds towards me she was doing otherwise…..
My other challenge is that she wants me to be in her kids and husband’s life and I would very much love this but I want to do it at my own pace and don’t want to be pressured into it. Never the less, every now and again, she will try to create opportunities for this to occur and will make comments about her children as if they are asking about me which is not true because the boy has only seen me twice and once was a week or so ago so the only way he would be inquiring about me is if she is putting inferences in his mind as he doesn’t know me at all to be doing that…
Not to mention her husband has always been challenged by my presence. From the initial point she and I became friends and were nothing but friends, he has never cared for me and it was/is obvious. He says she changes when she is around me and I concur but she doesn’t readily admit this although it’s obvious to me and to him. Sometimes, I sort of feel like her change is because I am everything she ever wanted in a mate, as she will make remarks at times when her and her husband are at odds that, “I need you in a male form,” or, “I wish he was like you.” Though she says this she will deny this and contend that her love for me as like Jonathan and David in the bible….
Recently I went to my friend’s state on other business and I stayed a few days. My friend would come to visit me and I would visit her and for the most part things were decent and in order. At times she would lay on me or grab my hand; this is the first time we have seen each other physically in over a year so I am still striving to figure out where the boundaries reside. I had to admit I was very uncomfortable. I sort of feel like my friend doesn’t have to have sex…that really she just truly desires intimacy and since she isn’t getting it in her marriage she is willing to have it at any level. So to her laying on me or wanting me to hold her or hold her hand is sisterly…I had expressed to her that for me, I needed time to sort out what is an appropriate level of physical contact and for the present moment didn’t want to participate in any at all, but that didn’t stop her from pushing the boundaries I felt was needed. Nothing happened further than just her laying on me or holding my hand or trying to be close to me in some form but to me it was a subtle representation of past actions….it wasn’t the full blown manipulation but just enough where she could justify it when I brought it up and yes I did bring it up…and she surely justified it.
She as well sent me a CD of Dr. So and So preaching about female friendships once I returned home. It was a powerful message on friendship and how women need other sisters as friends to help them through the journeys of life. One portion Dr. So and So spoke about being a single woman and how her friends meet her intimacy needs. She wasn’t talking about sexually but that when she is struggling as a single women they will be there to talk and walk her through until she is able to stand on her own again. Well my friend used this to try to tell me it was okay if we held hands and laid on one another and the like….she used it from the angle of me being single and it was okay if I got my intimacy needs met through her since she was my “sisterfriend”….
I have never shared this with anyone as I am a leader in my church and I am the problem bearer for everyone else around me. So really I have been working out my own salvation on this one…just me and God….
I would truly appreciate your insight…
In His Power,
Minister Laneen A. Haniah
Anavah – the blog owner and author of
The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook
www.victoriouslyfree.org
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