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This letter came in on my advice page. Please read and then see my comment to Confused.

Dear Anavah,

Never posted on a blog or a Christian website; so here goes. I’ve read all your advice yet still wanted to receive some wisdom.

The issue I have struggled with is my marriage to a Christian man since I was 23. I’m now 47. We both were Christians when we married. Soon, I was stricken with a debilitating disease. He had to care for me and my depression. I was able to finish college and graduate school. Soon, we bought a house, I had 2 miscarriages. I was very promiscuous as a teen and also found out my disease was associated with an early trauma in the womb of my mother. Anyhow, as life goes, my husband began to pull away from me. He found it hard to be around me and my fatigue. I still worked and did all I could to be a good wife. Soon, he began raging on me. I became bitter and found myself in an affair. Something I never ever thought about. He found out and was mad. I ended the relationship but he would always still yell at me and I was scared all the time. Soon, I became involved over and over with many men as a way to “get even” I certainly didn’t know how to stop all this chaos. For the past 12 years this crazy life continued. However, I stopped my addiction to men 3 years ago when the Lord came down on me. My husband knows of only 2 of my sins. I would love to tell him but he is yelling, screaming, or pouting so I literally am unable to talk to him. Needless to say……..we havestuck it out but he continues to be passive-aggressive. I get headaches whenever he is around. I can’t think, my heart hurts and I get fatigued and feel sick. I wonder if he is the main reason I still struggle with my sickness. We are involved at church and can’t really get “real” about this. I told him to stop yelling at me and he will say “i’m not yelling”. So……… I can only say I feel better when he’s not here and worse when he is here. I hate the D word but see no hope or future. I’m really concerned about my depression, my lack of motivation and unable to get him to care about taking care of the house. It’s been 17 years and he hasn’t used 1 screw to fix any one thing???

Weird, huh? I don’t get it. Is he waiting for me to end it? Am I to D him or keep on hanging on by a thread. I’m getting so weary and find it almost unbearable to cope. I’ve asked to see counselors but when we do the problem gets worse and anger escalates. He seems not to care about anything. I’m unable to talk to him about my faith or sermons because he feels interrogated. He has yelled at me “SUBMIT” and he goes to bed angry each night. This hurts and I tell him and he just deny’s EVERYTHING THAT I SAY??? I consider him a psychopathic christian. Everyone thinks he’s an Angel; but I bear the brunt of this angelic man.

I know this is long but just wanted your insight. Thanks for your website and help!!!

In Him,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Most of the time I have a quick answer for people, but every so often I am hit by a question or comment that stops me in my tracks and causes me to go before God for additional wisdom. Your letter was one of those letters that made me slow down.

Let me say first of all that I, speaking as myself and on behalf of God, promote the mending of a broken marriage if it is at all possible. Biblically speaking, unless adultery has been committed or someone in the marriage is being physically abused, Divorce is not even an option. I will not even help anyone entertain the notion of divorce outside of those two scenarios.

However once adultery has been committed and the marriage covenant has been broken, whether or not a marriage stays together really becomes more of a matter of “discovery”. What I mean when I say that is that the Bible says, “What God has put together, let no man put assunder”. Unfortunately, a lot of marriages are doomed before they even begin because the relationships were never put together by God in the first place. In this case adultery and/or unhappiness is inevitable. I personally believe that even in light of God’s hatred for divorce, he allows it in the case of adultery only because He does not want people that have joined together in undestined marital covenants outside of His will to be forced to stay together. Thus I say again that adultery becomes nearly inevitable when ungodly marital covenants are formed.

Now does this mean that every case of adultery happens because the couple involved was never supposed to get married? Certainly not! There are other factors that often lead to adultery in a marriage and many times couples just don’t know how to recover once adultery has been committed even though they sincerely do want to stay together. 

That is why I say to you Confused that right now it is just a matter of “discovery” for you and your husband (or you alone if your husband is unwilling to go through this process together). The most important thing that you can do is get before God, whether that be alone or with a skilled adviser, and let the Holy Spirit reveal to you where your problem started — in an undestined relationship that never should have been, or in a predestined relationship that was successfully sabotaged by satan. If the answer is the former then the next question is, “Is it God’s will for this covenant to be re-established and strengthened or for a divorce to take place?” If it is the latter the question is, “Are you and your husband willing to do the necessary work of denying of self to take back what the enemy has stolen?”

I know that you probably want more from me than this, but your situation is seriously complex and you are going to haveto take this one step at a time right now, so I can’t give you anymore than this. However, after you fulfill the mandate of discovery, you are welcome to let me know what conclusion you have come to and I will advise you further. Or even moreso, if you and/or your husband is willing, my husband and I are skilled advisers in matters of sexuality and adultery in marriage. We can walk you through this process until some conclusion and/or closure has been achieved. I really know that both you and your husband will need some help to successfully get through this. And Confused even though it seems twisted, counseling often makes things worse before it makes them better. You have to be willing to press through those initial rough sessions that drudge up the dead bodies of the past of your relationship. It is an emotional stench in the beginning that stings the eyes until tears fall, but it gets better — as long as those counseling you know what they are doing and are anointed by God. The fact that your husband was even willing to go is such a positive sign. Many men will not even consider it.

I hope this info is helpful and that you will write me again!

In His Power,

Minister Laneen A. Haniah

AKA “Anavah”

Senior Administrator

Christian Sexuality Weblog

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons

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I was on another blog tonight reading some of their articles. They really focus on the gay/lesbian agenda in the church. I am writing this article particulary in response to the seeming disdain that this other blog has for those Christian leaders that are unwilling to blatantly “speak out” against homosexuality as a stand alone sin — as opposed to just grouping it together with other henious acts of sin.

Homosexuality is defined in the dictionary as “having an attraction for the same sex”. An attraction is no more than a “feeling” and a “feeling” in and of itself is not a sin. For example the Bible says, “Be angry and sin not”. Anger is a feeling and in and of itself, the feeling of anger is not a sin. It is what you do with those angry feelings that determine whether or not you have sinned. Therefore homosexuality, according to the above definition, is not in and of itself a sin. Those destined for hell would have to sign a waiting list to get in if “feelings” alone caused us to be guilty of sin!

I am for lack of a better term, a Christian Sex Therapist. What I do is help people overcome sexual sins through Biblical advisement and personal exploration and healing.  The Bible is clear on the fact that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a sin. That would of course include all gay/lesbian sexual activity because in God’s Word their is no allowance for homosexuals to marry. The Bible also makes specific mention of gay/lesbian sex in several places as it being a specific and abominable act of fornication.

You have to understand that the original translation of the Bible never used the term “homosexuality”. The Bible does speak specifically of fornication that takes place between those of the same sex — in other words the Bible clearly marks gay/lesbian sexual activity as sin — but it does so without ever condemning an individual for having homosexual “feelings”. No one is ever condemned by the Word of God for how they feel, they are only condemned for the sinful response to how they feel. You are not condemned for feeling stressed, but you are condemned if you get drunk in response to that feeling of stress. You get my drift I’m sure.

Ok, so I’m fessing up now – you get no argument from me about whether or not homosexuality is Biblically unrighteous. However,  the Bible actually has a lot more to say about heterosexual fornication than it does homosexual fornication!  One of the struggles that I have when counseling with homosexuals is convincing them that God loves them. This is because their mind relates God to the hateful and mean “so-called” Christians that try to make it seem as if homosexuality is the worse sin on the planet. Furthermore, my homosexual clients struggle with feelings of guilt for their very existence as human beings because they are “emotionally” attracted to the same sex. It is how one deals with those feelings of attraction for the same sex that determines whether or not they have sinned, but this is not the picture that the church paints for them.

What is my point in saying this? I am certainly not an advocate for homosexuality! But this is my struggle… If I can’t get people to accept their very existence as good purposeful; or get them to receive the Love of God; then there will be no success in counseling them. Thus I have to spend numerous sessions proving to homosexuals that God loves them and that He is not hateful and mean like the heckling Christians that have taunted them. It is often difficult to get beyond the guilt and condemnation that they experience simply because they are still having homosexual feelings of attraction.  This puts us almost in a catch 22 type situation because those homosexual feelings cannot be resolved outside of understanding and receiving the love of God and their purpose for existence; yet at the same time the love of God and purpose for existence cannot be embraced when one is weighed down with guilt and condemnation – uggghhh!

Therefore, in direct response to “Gay Christian Movement Watch” weblog I say this:

 I don’t think it is neccessarily wrong that some mainstream Christian leaders have not blatantly spoke out against homosexuality specifically. Sin is sin and I believe to focus on one particular sin can be dangerous. With so much focus on homosexuality, others that don’t struggle in this area may become pious and self-righteous, believing that they have arrived. I believe that the biggest sin in the church is PRIDE. That needs to be talked about more than anything else! Once pride, carnality and disobedience is delt with, and people are taught to have “relationship” and not just “religion”, there will be no sin – including gay/lesbian fornication. Right now, it may be more important for mainstream Christian leaders like TD Jakes and Creflo Dollar to do “damage control” on behalf of some of these other idiotic people out there that are              (mis)representing Christianity with hatred instead of with the Love and Grace of God. If we cannot get homosexuals to come to church then how can we minister to them, and if we cannot minister to them then how will they be saved and healed? Yet, why would they want to come when they feel as if they are the absolute worse thing that has happened to humanity according to our religious standards?

It is every Christian leaders responsibility to raise the Biblical standard of righteousness on this earth. The Bible talks about “sin” period. Of all the words written in the Bible, there are a mere handful that specifically address gay/lesbian sexuality. So why should we as leaders put it on a pedastal as the sin of all sins? We as Christians have to live HOLY and that is the bottom line. Not being a homosexual is included in living HOLY, but so is not gossiping, backbiting, being prideful, lying, ignoring the Sabbath, cheating, stealing, not praying, oppressing the poor, being disobedient, practicing witchcraft, not reading the Bible enough, regarding zodiac signs, watching rated “R” movies, using profanity, disrespecting our husbands and wives, not tithing, not submitting to authority, speeding on the highway, being manipulative, refusing to fast, not giving to the poor, murdering unborn babies, etc…

You see how long this list could get? You see how small the one act of homosexuality can look in this big long list? Why should we highlight that one thing? Why don’t we stop fooling ourselves and start promoting HOLINESS and righteous living and stop living carnal worldly lives? Once the church begins to live HOLY, we won’t have to make ourselves feel better by beating homosexuals over the head with condemnation! It is then that they will come and be cleansed and made whole…

In His Power,

Anavah

Christian Sexuality Senior Administrator

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons

 

Recently I was approached by a beautiful young lady, who I wll call “Candice”, that asked me a very important question. She wanted to know how to rebuild her relationship with her mother. From what I understand, Candice’s mother was a lesbian all throughout the critical years of raising Candice when she was a child. Candice says that it was a miserable lifestyle that she truly despised and she hated the fact that her mother was a lesbian. Candice was embarrassed and could not wait to move out of the house when she was finally old enough. Now Candice and her mother are both Christians and Candice is doing her best to have a good relationship with her Mom but is finding it hard to let go of the past.

Candice, first of all I would just like to apologize to you on your mother’s behalf. I don’t know if she has ever apologized to you but I know how awful it feels to have a lesbian for a mother and despise the lifestyle. For a few years when I was a child my mother lived a lesbian lifestyle. I too hated it. I didn’t know being a lesbian was looked down upon in society or that it was Biblically wrong so I was not embarrassed, but in my heart I just didn’t feel right about it. When I was 2 years old, one of my mother’s lesbian friends babysat my older sister and I, and the babysitter sexually molested me on a regular basis for months.

I do understand how you feel Candice. However, I want to help you by making clear to you that forgiveness is not a “feeling”, it is an action. Jesus gives us the four step formula for forgiveness in the Bible. In Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”.  The truth is Candice that when you initially begin to implement these four steps of forgiveness, you may not “feel” better. However, if you are consistent and diligent in doing these four things then you will eventually feel better in your soul about the mistakes your Mom made.  You have to keep implementing these four steps until you feel better, until you are no longer taunted by the hurt that has been caused you.

One of the things that really helped me to forgive my Mom for the mistakes that she made was allowing myself to see my Mom through God’s eyes. When the Father looks upon us, He does not look for our sins, he looks for our wounds. He does not look upon us with a critical and judgmental eye, but He looks upon us with a compassionate eye – he looks for our wounds and then sets Himself to heal those wounds. My Mom went through so much as a child and as a single mother trying to raise me and my sisters. Even though she made some mistakes, she loved me very much and did the very best she could. I finally learned to appreciate my Mother for what she did right as opposed to being bitter over what she did wrong!

After much time in loving and compassionate interecession for my Mom, she gave her life to Christ! It was my love for her and my prayers that brought her out of a backslidden condition and back into the Body of Christ. Now she is an ordained minister and she and I do conferences together. You have a tremendous power to pray for your mother Candice, being her daughter God will hear your prayers for her before he will hear even her own. 

Candice love you Momma and enjoy the time that you have left with her. How would you feel if she died tomorrow? Would you feel guilty about how you treated her, or would you regret not having more time with her? Don’t let that happen to you!

And Candice, what I say next will cut, but it is the truth… embarrassment is a manifestation of pride. A lot of your issue with your Mom is because of pride in your own heart preventing you from being able to love her. There are a lot of reasons to hate being raised by a lesbian, but embarrassment is not one of them. You should have been happy to have a Mom that loved you enough to keep you and have been proud of her no matter what her sexual orientation was. The love that God has for you is unconditional… is this the kind of love that you have shown to your Mom?

In His Power,

Anavah

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons

 

 

 

This article and all of the insightful corresponding comments have been moved to the new and improved blog page at http://drintimacy.wordpress.com/2011/10/15/stds-sexually-transmitted-demons/

Please use the above link to read and comment on this article. If you posted a comment on this article previously, you will find your comment at the new location. Thanks so much for your interest.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

One of my bloggers posted the following in response to an article that I’d written entitled, “When a Spouse Cheats is the Other Spouse to Blame?” (You can find this article in the Archives). I think that his post is absolutely amazing and incredibly insightful so I wanted to share it here on the main page.

Some people are in situations where they have an unbelieving or backslidden spouse that continuously cheats. For those types of marriages the previous article on this page “Should I Leave My Cheating Husband?” effectively addresses those types of situations. But then there are other people that are in a situation where a good spouse falls into adultery and sincerely wants forgiveness and healing. For those of you in this situation, I encourage all of you to handle it the way that this man handled it in his own marriage. Read on…

 Forgive wrote:

I found out during a marriage conference/retreat that my wife had had an affair. I asked her, and she came clean. I can explain it in no other way than this. God manifested His grace in my life at that moment like no time before (other than when He saved me by His grace). Immediately, I forgave her. She was broken, I was broken. I had always wondered, but not to the extent of suspicion and mistrust. But something that night made me ask, and she knew as well that it was coming out that night. When my worst fear was confirmed, God touched me. She and I would work it out.

Now, I still hurt deeply, and I may for the rest of my days. I just don’t know. She was a virgin when we married. She is quiet, humble, and has never rebelled before. As we have reflected on the situation, there are a few places of blame on both of our parts. They are as follows:

1) She had been taking antidepressants. They numbed her to alot of things. Though she was “happier”, she wasn’t herself. She quit these cold-turkey a month or so prior to this revelation.

2) There simply was not the kind of communication that MUST be in a marriage. With 2 kids, 2 careers, etc etc, we neglected the time to be married to one another. Without communication from both sides, a marriage is nothing but a business relationship that keeps up house payments and babysits kids. I feel I am mostly to blame for this part. She did not share how her mind and heart were, and though I would ask, I did not persist or be consistent.

3) Not praying together. This was our fundamental flaw. Husbands and wives who do not pray together are playing with fire. With bills, kids, jobs and the “business” of this world’s pace, prayer is a no-brainer that often gets overlooked and neglected.

4) Satan hates marriage. period. He will do what he can to destroy the one thing that models Christ and the Church. He can’t touch Christ, and he can’t touch the Church (Believers, not walls), so he attacks the closest thing that represents them.

There are other things that led to this, I am sure, but the above are the main ones we talked about and concluded.

By the way, two days after I found this out, we talked about it, and we agreed that she should call him and tell him. After a few minutes, I was on the phone with him as well. I DO NOT say this in a prideful or boastful way, because I know I would be incapable of this in and of myself, but I told him that I forgive him too (which I did), and that I love him and would pray for him. He is lost, and needs witnessing. God helped me deal with the situation properly. This guy is an acquaintance of mine as well, so we know one another to an extent, and I do not want to see him remain lost. It is my prayer that the way God helped me handle him will make an impression. He knows where I stand, and he knows how I was able to forgive him.

If nothing else is gleaned from this, remember one thing. Jesus forgave us. We should…rather, we HAVE TO forgive others.

God bless.

In  His Power,
Minister Laneen A. Haniah
Anavah – the blog owner and author of
The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook
www.victoriouslyfree.org 

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This question was asked of me on the advice page. This is such a common issue and question that I am presented with that I thought I should address it as a general post. Please read the blogger’s question and my answer below. It’s long, but it is well worth reading if you or someone you know is in a similar situation. 

Dear Anavah,

Where do I begin? After 30 plus years of marriage, living as a believer the entire time with a husband who lasted maybe two years early on in the marriage as a believer, I am needing sound biblical counsel. I have read your book and it was enlightening and very much on point within these areas of specifics. My husband has dealt in pornography, masturbation, adultery, and drug abuse most of the marriage. He has entered into a deep phase of porn, etc.

We now sleep in separate rooms. His room is like a pig sty. Whenever I step in there for anything, which is rare, I can feel darkness. Some years ago he was in an affair with another woman for several years. At that time I convinced myself to stay for the sake of our children. Once the kids were gone and grown I stayed due to lack of finances after a less than profitable business venture. Now it is simply not wanting to be homeless. The career I have pursued is challenging. I definitely feel a tug from God to become more available to Him, however I feel like I am tied.

Relationally there is only care and concern for my husband as a human being, erotic love has been a non- issue for quite a while now. There are too many diseases to be concerned with. And then the whole soul tie thing — I feel it’s all coming to a head in some way but I am not sure how. Just recently I had one dream where I felt terror and in my heart knew something terrible had happened to him. I asked Holy Spirit what did the dream mean (and He revealed it to me). In another dream after this one he (my husband) said that he was too far out there. He was screwing children, something he always frowned on others for doing. Now this dream really disturbed me. We have grands. This morning he called my cell phone by mistake thinking it was his drug dealer. I told him he needed to seek treatment and counseling and that he was going down hill.

He claims he wants to stop but his response was he does not feel like counseling will help him, that those places have a high failure rate. To me that is an excuse and he has not fallen deep enough. I feel more compelled to leave now than ever , should I? Voices of guilt are tyring to tell me that Jesus did not give up on me, and how can I spread the word to others when I can’t help the ones in my own house. Laneen he actually says he feels like building a closer relationship with me is the way to get him better. Well I have forgiven him for all of what has been done, but there is a large gulf fixed between us because our core beliefs are opposing. I told him if he sought help I would support him but I would not continue to watch him destroy him self.

I could go on but I won’t. You spoke on these issues in your book, what advice would you give somebody 50 something in this type of situation?

Thanks,
Seeking Answers

 

Dear Seeking Answers,

I have never taken quite so long to respond to anyone as I have you. Your post made my heart ache and even now my eyes are teary as I write this response to you. This is such a painful situation that you are in and I want you to know that I really prayed and took the time to seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance in responding to you. The following is what I believe the Holy Spirit is telling me to share with you.

You asked for Biblical advice so let me start with scripture. You said that your husband lived as a Believer in the earlier part of your marriage. Even though that was a long time ago, once someone has been introduced to The Savior, they cannot void out that experience in their spiritual account. This means that your husband is a backslider as opposed to an unbeliever. So I want to share with you what the Bible says in 1 Cor 5. Paul talks about how to deal with those in your intimate circle that are involved in sexual immorality. He says in verse 5:

You are to deliverthis man over to satan for physical discipline [to destroy carnal lusts which prompted him to incest (sexual immorality)], that [his] spirit may [yet] be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.”

And then in verses 9-11 it says:    

    “I wrote you in my [previous] letter not to associate [closely and habitually] with unchaste (impure) people–

    Not [meaning of course that you must] altogether shun the immoral people of this world, or the greedy graspers and cheats and thieves or idolaters, since otherwise you would need to get out of the world and human society altogether!

    But now I write to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of [Christian] brother if he is known to be guilty of immorality or greed, or is an idolater [whose soul is devoted to any object that usurps the place of God], (like your husband’s drug addiction) or is a person with a foul tongue [railing, abusing, reviling, slandering], or is a drunkard or a swindler or a robber. [No] you must not so much as eat with such a person. (AMP)”

Sister, although your situation is probably the most heartbreaking one that I have read here on the blog, it is not the first time that I have been presented with its kind. The common thread of emotion amongst those in your position is – GUILT. People take upon themselves the burden of  “saving” their wayward spouse. You specifically said that you feel guilty and I can tell you most assuredly that guilt does not come from God but instead comes from satan – even such seemingly “noble” guilt as yours. Guilt breeds condemnation and punishment and the Bible says that there is no condemnation for them that walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit (Rom 8:1).

Seeking Answers, in the book of Hebrews 6:4-6 the Bible tells us,

“4 For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit,

 5 who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come

6 and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselvesare nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame (NKJV).”

You see, it was never your responsibility to save your husband’s soul. For the Bible says that one man plants, another man waters but it is God who gives the increase (1 Cor 3:6-7). Jesus died for your husband’s salvation and Jesus alone can save anyone. We are not called to suffer for the salvation of others as Jesus has already suffered for us all in that sense. Once someone becomes a believer it is their own responsibility to grow in the things of God. The scripture above in Hebrews says that “it is impossible” to bring back to repentance one such as your husband. Does this mean that he or those like him can never repent or be restored? Of course not! For with God all things are possible. But it means that you (or any person) cannot bring such a one back to repentance. This is a work that has to be done directly by the hand of The Lord.

So what should we do when we have a person in our life that is no longer walking in the Light? We should do what Paul instructs us to do in the above scriptures in Corinthians my sister. We should “deliverthis man over to satan for physical discipline [to destroy carnal lusts which prompted him to (sexual immorality)], that [his] spirit may [yet] be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.” We should, “not associate (closely and habitually) with anyone (including a spouse) who bears the name of [Christian] brother if he is known to be guilty of immorality or greed, or is an idolater [whose soul is devoted to any object that usurps the place of God], or is a person with a foul tongue [railing, abusing, reviling, slandering], or is a drunkard or a swindler or a robber. [No] you must not so much as eat with such a person.”

Seeking Answers, you have a Biblical mandate to remove yourself from the situation that you are in and allow God to deal with your husband in His own way, while preserving your own righteousness and allowing yourself to grow in the Lord unhindered! Not only would it be a good thing to leave, but even more so than that, you are actually in disobedience if you stay! God was even kind enough to warn you in two (2 the number of confirmation) dreams the way things are soon to turn if your husband does not repent and return to the Lord. It is time that you GET OUT OF GOD’S WAY and give Him the liberty that He needs to save both your husband’s life and his soul. How will you feel if he dies? How will you feel if he rapes your grands or some other precious child? You’ve been warned by the Holy Spirit sister and you need to take heed.

I know these are hard sayings, and please don’t think that my heart doesn’t ache to write them to you, but I do believe that these are the Lord’s instructions to you and any man or woman in your situation. Jesus very rarely directly dealt with relationship issues or sexual sin during His ministry on earth, but even He took the time to let us know that in the case of adultery a divorce is often times warranted. This topic must assuredly be of great concern to The Kingdom of Heaven for Jesus to have mentioned it. Jesus’ ministry on earth was not so much about teaching people the specifics of how to live the daily Christian life. The Apostles dealt with those issues in the epistles of the Bible. Jesus’ assignment was to preach the general truths of Kingdom principles, therefore laying the foundation for The Body of Christ. Yet He took time to teach on divorce and adultery saying these things:

“Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan. I’m holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife (or husband) and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery. (Mat 19:8, MSG)”

Does this mean that you are commandedto divorce your husband? No it does not. Jesus’ teachings on adultery were really pointing more toward God’s passionate hatred for divorce. Yet in that hatred for divorce, He did not want anyone to feel bound by Him to stay married to an adulterous spouse. Adultery is birthed out of the wickedness and lustfulness of a person’s heart (Mat 15:19) and breaks the marriage covenant. Therefore anyone married to one that has committed adultery is released from that covenant with God’s blessing. But whether, you sister, divorce or not that is your choice. However, a legal separation is a mandate from God.

And in terms of supporting your husband in his supposed decision to get clean, the only support you should be offering him is to under gird him in prayer and to bless him with your mouth. You have given him 30+ years of support which he trampled under foot and wasted. If you were able to help him Sis, his deliverance would have been effectively accomplished and manifested a long time ago. There is nothing you can do to help your husband except getting out of his life and out of God’s way! If he is really ready for a change, God is more than capable of being all of the support and comfort your husband needs.

Lastly, in terms of your fear about leaving I simply say – TRUST GOD. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3:5-6, NKJV)” God shall supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory (Phil 4:19).  He took care of Hagar in the wilderness when Abraham sent her away (Gen 21:8-20). Surely He will take care of you. Don’t let doubt and unbelief be an excuse to stay in this situation. God will provide the means that you need to make a complete separation from your husband if you are really willing in your heart to be obedient. And by the way, did you know that the spirit of pornography brings on poverty? Your business will never succeed as long as you stay with this man. You think staying with him is a means of provision, but it is really a means of  poverty.

Sister, you said that God is calling you closer but you feel “tied”. If your right eye offends you cut it out (Mat 5:29). Seeking Answers, DON’T MAKE ANY EXCUSES for why you can’t get closer to God. I know that it’s hard, but if you are willing to make the sacrifice and stop saying “I can’t” but instead say “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13) you will grow in your walk with the Lord. You will never make it through this painful transition that you are about to go through without a close and intimate walk with God. And further more, in order to be able to really effectively pray for your husband and your children and grands (that they may be delivered from generational curses) you are going to need the Holy Spirit to rise up in you in a mighty way.

I pray you receive this Now Word for your situation and allow it to empower you to walk in a new season. My prayers are with you.

In  His Power,
Minister Laneen A. Haniah
Anavah – the blog owner and author of
The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook
www.victoriouslyfree.org 

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This article has been moved. All of the insightful and encouraging corresponding comments have also been moved. The new and improved blog page can be viewed at http://drintimacy.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/should-i-end-this-relationship/

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In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a holistic perspective – spirit, soul and body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com