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Archive for the ‘fornication’ Category

This article has been moved. All of the insightful and encouraging corresponding comments have also been, or will shortly be,  moved as well. The new and improved blog page can be viewed at http://drintimacy.wordpress.com/incubus-and-succubus-sex-demons-of-the-night/

Because this is the most highly researched topic on my blog, with the most comments; it now has its own dedicated page on my new blog. There is a lot more information and there will be plenty of other people sharing their experiences. Please use the above link to read and comment on this topic. If you posted a comment on this article previously, you will find your comment at the new location soon. Thanks so much for your interest.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a holistic perspective – spirit, soul and body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com

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I was on another blog tonight reading some of their articles. They really focus on the gay/lesbian agenda in the church. I am writing this article particulary in response to the seeming disdain that this other blog has for those Christian leaders that are unwilling to blatantly “speak out” against homosexuality as a stand alone sin — as opposed to just grouping it together with other henious acts of sin.

Homosexuality is defined in the dictionary as “having an attraction for the same sex”. An attraction is no more than a “feeling” and a “feeling” in and of itself is not a sin. For example the Bible says, “Be angry and sin not”. Anger is a feeling and in and of itself, the feeling of anger is not a sin. It is what you do with those angry feelings that determine whether or not you have sinned. Therefore homosexuality, according to the above definition, is not in and of itself a sin. Those destined for hell would have to sign a waiting list to get in if “feelings” alone caused us to be guilty of sin!

I am for lack of a better term, a Christian Sex Therapist. What I do is help people overcome sexual sins through Biblical advisement and personal exploration and healing.  The Bible is clear on the fact that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a sin. That would of course include all gay/lesbian sexual activity because in God’s Word their is no allowance for homosexuals to marry. The Bible also makes specific mention of gay/lesbian sex in several places as it being a specific and abominable act of fornication.

You have to understand that the original translation of the Bible never used the term “homosexuality”. The Bible does speak specifically of fornication that takes place between those of the same sex — in other words the Bible clearly marks gay/lesbian sexual activity as sin — but it does so without ever condemning an individual for having homosexual “feelings”. No one is ever condemned by the Word of God for how they feel, they are only condemned for the sinful response to how they feel. You are not condemned for feeling stressed, but you are condemned if you get drunk in response to that feeling of stress. You get my drift I’m sure.

Ok, so I’m fessing up now – you get no argument from me about whether or not homosexuality is Biblically unrighteous. However,  the Bible actually has a lot more to say about heterosexual fornication than it does homosexual fornication!  One of the struggles that I have when counseling with homosexuals is convincing them that God loves them. This is because their mind relates God to the hateful and mean “so-called” Christians that try to make it seem as if homosexuality is the worse sin on the planet. Furthermore, my homosexual clients struggle with feelings of guilt for their very existence as human beings because they are “emotionally” attracted to the same sex. It is how one deals with those feelings of attraction for the same sex that determines whether or not they have sinned, but this is not the picture that the church paints for them.

What is my point in saying this? I am certainly not an advocate for homosexuality! But this is my struggle… If I can’t get people to accept their very existence as good purposeful; or get them to receive the Love of God; then there will be no success in counseling them. Thus I have to spend numerous sessions proving to homosexuals that God loves them and that He is not hateful and mean like the heckling Christians that have taunted them. It is often difficult to get beyond the guilt and condemnation that they experience simply because they are still having homosexual feelings of attraction.  This puts us almost in a catch 22 type situation because those homosexual feelings cannot be resolved outside of understanding and receiving the love of God and their purpose for existence; yet at the same time the love of God and purpose for existence cannot be embraced when one is weighed down with guilt and condemnation – uggghhh!

Therefore, in direct response to “Gay Christian Movement Watch” weblog I say this:

 I don’t think it is neccessarily wrong that some mainstream Christian leaders have not blatantly spoke out against homosexuality specifically. Sin is sin and I believe to focus on one particular sin can be dangerous. With so much focus on homosexuality, others that don’t struggle in this area may become pious and self-righteous, believing that they have arrived. I believe that the biggest sin in the church is PRIDE. That needs to be talked about more than anything else! Once pride, carnality and disobedience is delt with, and people are taught to have “relationship” and not just “religion”, there will be no sin – including gay/lesbian fornication. Right now, it may be more important for mainstream Christian leaders like TD Jakes and Creflo Dollar to do “damage control” on behalf of some of these other idiotic people out there that are              (mis)representing Christianity with hatred instead of with the Love and Grace of God. If we cannot get homosexuals to come to church then how can we minister to them, and if we cannot minister to them then how will they be saved and healed? Yet, why would they want to come when they feel as if they are the absolute worse thing that has happened to humanity according to our religious standards?

It is every Christian leaders responsibility to raise the Biblical standard of righteousness on this earth. The Bible talks about “sin” period. Of all the words written in the Bible, there are a mere handful that specifically address gay/lesbian sexuality. So why should we as leaders put it on a pedastal as the sin of all sins? We as Christians have to live HOLY and that is the bottom line. Not being a homosexual is included in living HOLY, but so is not gossiping, backbiting, being prideful, lying, ignoring the Sabbath, cheating, stealing, not praying, oppressing the poor, being disobedient, practicing witchcraft, not reading the Bible enough, regarding zodiac signs, watching rated “R” movies, using profanity, disrespecting our husbands and wives, not tithing, not submitting to authority, speeding on the highway, being manipulative, refusing to fast, not giving to the poor, murdering unborn babies, etc…

You see how long this list could get? You see how small the one act of homosexuality can look in this big long list? Why should we highlight that one thing? Why don’t we stop fooling ourselves and start promoting HOLINESS and righteous living and stop living carnal worldly lives? Once the church begins to live HOLY, we won’t have to make ourselves feel better by beating homosexuals over the head with condemnation! It is then that they will come and be cleansed and made whole…

In His Power,

Anavah

Christian Sexuality Senior Administrator

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons

 

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This article has been moved. All of the insightful and encouraging corresponding comments have also been moved. The new and improved blog page can be viewed at http://drintimacy.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/should-i-end-this-relationship/

Please use the above link to read and comment on this topic. If you posted a comment on this article previously, you will find your comment at the new location soon. Thanks so much for your interest.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a holistic perspective – spirit, soul and body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com

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It took everyone a little while to warm up to this question, but toward the end of the week the comments really started to get interesting. I prayed about it and I feel led in my spirit to leave this question on the table for another week. We have barely scratched the surface on this topic. Let’s see where the Holy Spirit takes us this week.

To post a comment on this topic, please return to the original post at the link below:

Question of the week: Are you a Christian who masturbates? Why or why not?

If you are looking for a previous article it can be found on the Archives page here:

https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/archives/

 If you would like to become a born again believer in Yeshua/Jesus Christ and receive eternal salvation, please visit the Born Again page here: https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/how-to-be-saved/         

 If you are interested in being a moderator or author for this weblog please e-mail me at laneenhaniah@victoriouslyfree.org     

(Please be advised that if you post a comment to any article on this weblog, you will automatically be added to the mailing list, receiving weekly updates about this site. If you do not want to be automatically added to this list all you have to do is add this phrase in parenthesis at the beginning of your first comment only: “I do not wish to be added to the mailing list”. You only have to add this phrase to the very first comment you post. It will protect you from receiving updates. Thank you for your cooperation.)  

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I was sent this testimony and question by Wife wanting to Fulfill:

”  I thank you for your testimony…I am emailing you personally to see what you think could be the cause of this [situation] in my life.

I personally did not grow up in a church and I got some of the values but was mixed up on some of the others. My first sexual interest started when I was about six years old… [I watched pornography with my grandfather as I pretended to be sleep.] From sneaking peaks at this I began to masturbate, but I always felt guilty afterwards…I did this for a number of years.

…I did not have sex until I was 14 years old and the only reason I did it was because I ran with a fast group of girls who were younger than me and they kind of clowned me because I was still a virgin, so I made up in my mind that I would lose my virginity before I entered the 10th grade. That was my goal for the summer between the grades. I accomplished my goal, and the guy dumped me. [Then I hooked with some guy that made me do a lot of sexually perverse things and was very controlling; so I broke it off with him]. Then I hooked up with this boy that I hunted down to make mine, and he is the one that had my heart for a long time. Come to find out that I took his virginity. …We broke up because I was super jealous and I tried to get back with him, but to no avail.

Then someone asked me to come to their church…They gave us (the youth) a lot of restrictions at that church like not listening to certain music, etc. So I met a guy one day and got his number and had sex with him because I thought that it would give me the opportunity to not be accountable to that church…

I went to college and during my summer breaks I broke loose for the first two years having more sexual partners than I ever wanted to have, but at the same time I was still messing with the guy who had my heart (the one whose virginity that I took). I had it bad for him and since I couldn’t have him the way I wanted him, I would sleep with all these guys who I found attractive. I had no problems with sex back then. I then had a baby with another guy. Once I did this my life changed as far as party-wise but I was still looking for love in all the wrong places. My child’s father cheated on me and so after a couple of years of that I wanted to break up with him and I found somebody to cheat with so that I could easily break up with him. I…ended up getting pregnant [by another guy and I had my child’s father take me to get an abortion]. He and I got back together but I knew that I didn’t want to be with him. He went to jail, I went to church and when he got out of jail, he went to church with me. During those first four weeks of going to church, I dedicated my life to God, and saw Jesus like I never knew Him. At the onset, the first week of being saved I told myself that I had to get over the guy who [had gotten me pregnant- a co-worker], so I called him up and had sex with him. When I did that I knew that it was for me to be celibate, because I had no desire when I was with the guy… The Lord began to show me that my child’s father was not the one for me, and He told me to let him go. I had a hard time with that, because I was very lonely at that time. But I did it, after giving my life to Christ for seven months I broke up with my child’s father.

Somewhere about a month or two later, I get a call from my first love …and for some reason I believe the Holy Spirit was telling me not to visit him, but I did anyway. I got caught up in a web of [sexual] activity because I always had feelings for him. I saw that he was not saved, yet I thought that God would work it out, so I kept praying for him. I even saw him doing some way-out drugs but I figured God will work it out. At the time, I had HPV, and we had sex once without a condom, well it came to a point that God began speaking to me and then He told me to sacrifice my Isaac and that its to be done by telling the truth. This completely flipped my first love out. He was upset! We went to the clinic together but there was no more of us together after that incident. I ended up talking to him a few months down the road and was at his assistance for oral sex, yet I found him with another girl the next week. We were over after that, but I didn’t want to let him go.

After this incident, really not even a week I ran into one of my former co-workers and began a sexual relationship with him. He was working a job and somehow I got it in my head, that yeah I seen him at church before, he has to be doing something good in his life…This relationship put me in a tizzy because I knew that I was acting out of what I wanted and I was trying to make something happen between us. I went to many prayer partners and groups for deliverance of my sexual sin. But I was no longer wrapped into the sex, I was wrapped into a man in my mind that I knew I was going to marry, yet he was not looking for a relationship.

…I met my husband (S) while I was still with this guy, at new members class…One night I and asked (S) if he wanted a ride home. He accepted and said that he must repay me, by taking me out for ice cream… (S) told me about how he was homeless at the moment…He told me that he only had forty dollars to his name. I begin to think, wow that’s a struggle. And he bought me ice cream when he is going through such a trying time. This event showed me that the guy who I was sleeping with didn’t care anything about me, he didn’t take me out for ice cream and he had a job, a well-paying job and he took me nowhere never suggested anything. So I knew that I was getting the bad end of the stick. That’s when I really began to ask God to purge me from that relationship…

I didn’t make our breakup official until … before the New Year in 2004. At the same time (S) was pursuing me, although I kept telling him that I have to deal with me, it’s just me and God. He would keep calling… so I would continue to talk to him. He told me that he would marry me, but he had just got laid off … Then (S) and I had sex for the first time. I really did not want to fornicate this time around… I felt guilty every time that it happened. I felt guilty when I had sex with the selfish guy too.

(S) and I got married about a year after that, more like 11 months later. And ever since then it has been hard for me to get into our lovemaking. I have battles with it, like why is he bothering me. Or because he wants to have sex only when I am enjoying it and if I don’t look like it, then he’s not happy. I just can’t get myself to get into it. I don’t really know why. The Lord told me that it was not helping my marriage to visit the myspace page of my first love…But this is crazy because today is the closest I came to seeking somebody else for some advice about the whole ordeal, and guess what happens? (S) goes to the strip club for the first time in our marriage… It makes me think that as I surrendered my going to the myspace page to try to work out my husband’s and I sexual encounters in marriage that he then ends up in the strip club. What is up with this? Is this all spiritual, or am I just a disobedient child that needs to be spanked?

So this was her main question to me: 

I am a recently married woman and mother of an 8 year old. I am having trouble with joy in sex now that I am in a Marriage Covenant. Before I was saved, I had sex with many people freely and did not think about it. Once I came to Christ, I had two sexual partners consectively while I was still single and I always felt guilt. That guilt in sex has transpired into my marriage, not as guilt but as an unwillingness to really enjoy sex. Its not that I am being stubborn, I just don’t ever really feel like having sex. What is wrong with what I am doing?”

Please see my comment to Wife wanting to Fulfill in the comments to this post.

If you are looking for a previous article it can be found on the Archives page here:

https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/archives/

 If you would like to become a born again believer in Yeshua/Jesus Christ and receive eternal salvation, please visit the Born Again page here: https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/how-to-be-saved/         

 If you are interested in being a moderator or author for this weblog please e-mail me at laneenhaniah@victoriouslyfree.org     

(Please be advised that if you post a comment to any article on this weblog, you will automatically be added to the mailing list, receiving weekly updates about this site. If you do not want to be automatically added to this list all you have to do is add this phrase in parenthesis at the beginning of your first comment only: “I do not wish to be added to the mailing list”. You only have to add this phrase to the very first comment you post. It will protect you from receiving updates. Thank you for your cooperation.)   

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This article has been moved. All of the insightful and encouraging corresponding comments have also been moved. The new and improved blog page can be viewed at http://drintimacy.wordpress.com/2011/10/24/are-you-a-christian-who-masturbates/

Please use the above link to read and comment on this topic. If you posted a comment on this article previously, you will find your comment at the new location soon. Thanks so much for your interest.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a holistic perspective – spirit, soul and body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com

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In this age of compromise that we live in, everyone is trying to find a way to play semantics with God’s Word. We twist, and distort and contort the Word until it looks like something we can live with, without making any real sacrifices. Our aim is often times not to be Holy as  He is holy, but instead is to make Him carnal as we are carnal.

I read some comments from another website and it was saying how Evangelical teens referred to oral sex as “Christian sex”! Sex education programs in school is partly to blame for this. They often refer to “intercourse” when they teach sex education in schools. They only teach the facts of how to, and how not to. They are not interested in righteous Biblical principles. We now have a generation of Christians that have concluded, “As long as the stick doesn’t go in the hole, I haven’t done anything wrong”!!! I’m not talking about just teens either. I have met many adults that feel the same way.

Let’s stop playing games with ourselves people. Yeshua (Jesus) said in the Bible that if you even look at a person with lust in your heart that you have already committed adultery/sexual sin. If it is sinful to look at a person sexually, then how much more sinful is it to gain sexual pleasure with another person’s assistance?

Anything that you do to sexually stimulate or excite yourself, whether by yourself or with another person being involved, is sexual immorality. IT IS SIN! The only “Christian Sex” is the sex that takes place between a husband and wife within the confines of matrimony. Let me be very blunt here: this means that you cannot legally in God’s sight, put your hands on someone else’s body, you cannot put your mouth on someone else’s body, you cannot talk dirty to each other on the phone and masturbate at the same time, you cannot hump and grind with another person whether dressed or undressed, and you can’t be kissing until your genitals are leaking juices!!!

Remember God judges the heart. If you have done it in your heart, you have already sinned. Let’s get really, really clean and pure and delivered. And for anyone that would still like to argue that oral sex is OK, if that is the case why are people getting the same Sexually Transmitted Diseases from oral sex as they do from vaginal intercourse? Don’t you know that STDs are the punishment administered to those who violate God’s sexual guidelines?

You may want to read this article on how people are getting cancer of the mouth from performing oral sex! http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/story?id=3529328&page=1

If you are looking for a previous article it can be found on the Archives page here:

https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/archives/

 If you would like to become a born again believer in Yeshua/Jesus Christ and receive eternal salvation, please visit the Born Again page here: https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/how-to-be-saved/         

 If you are interested in being a moderator or author for this weblog please e-mail me at laneenhaniah@victoriouslyfree.org     

(Please be advised that if you post a comment to any article on this weblog, you will automatically be added to the mailing list, receiving weekly updates about this site. If you do not want to be automatically added to this list all you have to do is add this phrase in parenthesis at the beginning of your first comment only: “I do not wish to be added to the mailing list”. You only have to add this phrase to the very first comment you post. It will protect you from receiving updates. Thank you for your cooperation.)

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