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This letter came in on my advice page. Please read and then see my comment to Confused.

Dear Anavah,

Never posted on a blog or a Christian website; so here goes. I’ve read all your advice yet still wanted to receive some wisdom.

The issue I have struggled with is my marriage to a Christian man since I was 23. I’m now 47. We both were Christians when we married. Soon, I was stricken with a debilitating disease. He had to care for me and my depression. I was able to finish college and graduate school. Soon, we bought a house, I had 2 miscarriages. I was very promiscuous as a teen and also found out my disease was associated with an early trauma in the womb of my mother. Anyhow, as life goes, my husband began to pull away from me. He found it hard to be around me and my fatigue. I still worked and did all I could to be a good wife. Soon, he began raging on me. I became bitter and found myself in an affair. Something I never ever thought about. He found out and was mad. I ended the relationship but he would always still yell at me and I was scared all the time. Soon, I became involved over and over with many men as a way to “get even” I certainly didn’t know how to stop all this chaos. For the past 12 years this crazy life continued. However, I stopped my addiction to men 3 years ago when the Lord came down on me. My husband knows of only 2 of my sins. I would love to tell him but he is yelling, screaming, or pouting so I literally am unable to talk to him. Needless to say……..we havestuck it out but he continues to be passive-aggressive. I get headaches whenever he is around. I can’t think, my heart hurts and I get fatigued and feel sick. I wonder if he is the main reason I still struggle with my sickness. We are involved at church and can’t really get “real” about this. I told him to stop yelling at me and he will say “i’m not yelling”. So……… I can only say I feel better when he’s not here and worse when he is here. I hate the D word but see no hope or future. I’m really concerned about my depression, my lack of motivation and unable to get him to care about taking care of the house. It’s been 17 years and he hasn’t used 1 screw to fix any one thing???

Weird, huh? I don’t get it. Is he waiting for me to end it? Am I to D him or keep on hanging on by a thread. I’m getting so weary and find it almost unbearable to cope. I’ve asked to see counselors but when we do the problem gets worse and anger escalates. He seems not to care about anything. I’m unable to talk to him about my faith or sermons because he feels interrogated. He has yelled at me “SUBMIT” and he goes to bed angry each night. This hurts and I tell him and he just deny’s EVERYTHING THAT I SAY??? I consider him a psychopathic christian. Everyone thinks he’s an Angel; but I bear the brunt of this angelic man.

I know this is long but just wanted your insight. Thanks for your website and help!!!

In Him,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Most of the time I have a quick answer for people, but every so often I am hit by a question or comment that stops me in my tracks and causes me to go before God for additional wisdom. Your letter was one of those letters that made me slow down.

Let me say first of all that I, speaking as myself and on behalf of God, promote the mending of a broken marriage if it is at all possible. Biblically speaking, unless adultery has been committed or someone in the marriage is being physically abused, Divorce is not even an option. I will not even help anyone entertain the notion of divorce outside of those two scenarios.

However once adultery has been committed and the marriage covenant has been broken, whether or not a marriage stays together really becomes more of a matter of “discovery”. What I mean when I say that is that the Bible says, “What God has put together, let no man put assunder”. Unfortunately, a lot of marriages are doomed before they even begin because the relationships were never put together by God in the first place. In this case adultery and/or unhappiness is inevitable. I personally believe that even in light of God’s hatred for divorce, he allows it in the case of adultery only because He does not want people that have joined together in undestined marital covenants outside of His will to be forced to stay together. Thus I say again that adultery becomes nearly inevitable when ungodly marital covenants are formed.

Now does this mean that every case of adultery happens because the couple involved was never supposed to get married? Certainly not! There are other factors that often lead to adultery in a marriage and many times couples just don’t know how to recover once adultery has been committed even though they sincerely do want to stay together. 

That is why I say to you Confused that right now it is just a matter of “discovery” for you and your husband (or you alone if your husband is unwilling to go through this process together). The most important thing that you can do is get before God, whether that be alone or with a skilled adviser, and let the Holy Spirit reveal to you where your problem started — in an undestined relationship that never should have been, or in a predestined relationship that was successfully sabotaged by satan. If the answer is the former then the next question is, “Is it God’s will for this covenant to be re-established and strengthened or for a divorce to take place?” If it is the latter the question is, “Are you and your husband willing to do the necessary work of denying of self to take back what the enemy has stolen?”

I know that you probably want more from me than this, but your situation is seriously complex and you are going to haveto take this one step at a time right now, so I can’t give you anymore than this. However, after you fulfill the mandate of discovery, you are welcome to let me know what conclusion you have come to and I will advise you further. Or even moreso, if you and/or your husband is willing, my husband and I are skilled advisers in matters of sexuality and adultery in marriage. We can walk you through this process until some conclusion and/or closure has been achieved. I really know that both you and your husband will need some help to successfully get through this. And Confused even though it seems twisted, counseling often makes things worse before it makes them better. You have to be willing to press through those initial rough sessions that drudge up the dead bodies of the past of your relationship. It is an emotional stench in the beginning that stings the eyes until tears fall, but it gets better — as long as those counseling you know what they are doing and are anointed by God. The fact that your husband was even willing to go is such a positive sign. Many men will not even consider it.

I hope this info is helpful and that you will write me again!

In His Power,

Minister Laneen A. Haniah

AKA “Anavah”

Senior Administrator

Christian Sexuality Weblog

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons

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This is another sad story of how sexual perversion can ruin someone’s life. A married city councilman committed suicide over the weekend. He apparently could not face the consequences of his actions. He was accused of molesting two teenage girls and sexually harrassing another woman.

I believe that it was the spirit of sexual fantasy that drove this man over the edge. This is a quote from my book, The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook, about the spirit of pornography/sexual fantasy:

” Although the spirit of sexual fantasy can cause you to isolate yourself, it can also drive you to seek out fulfillment of your fantasies.

Whatever it is that you are fantasizing about, whether it is child molestation, rape, sex with animals, homosexuality, and etcetera – if you are drawn deep enough into the fantasy, you will become detached enough from reality to think that you can do it and still be in control. Sexual fantasy can get so bad that it can lead you into a state of psychosis where the real world ceases to exist for you. You will get to the point that you are committing all types of crazy and dangerous, possibly illegal acts without realizing the consequences or affects of those acts. You will be completely unaware of what is going on around you in the real world because the act itself is of no significance to you. It is the fantasy that you are playing out, that consists of the act, that is driving you and bringing you pleasure.

This is such a dangerous, dangerous spirit. If you are bound by this spirit, whether in the form of pornography or sexual fantasy, if you still have enough presence of mind to understand what I am saying, I beg you to put this book down right now and repent. Ask Jesus to save you from this spirit! You could be just days or even moments away from completely losing your grip on reality; destined to rot away in insanity like so many lost souls wandering the streets homeless and behaving strangely.”

Pornography and sexual fantasy is a very, very serious vice. Please don’t take it lightly. One of the side effects of this spirit is depression. Reality cannot live up to the fantasies and it causes “real life” to therefore be very disappointing and depressing. This spirit can take you into a dark place that you may never escape! If you need help in this area, let’s talk about it. 

If you want to read the article about the city councilman, follow this link:http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,296180,00.html

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The comments being posted in the post “Juanita Bynum, Paula White… What’s happening here?” have gotten very interesting. The question that seems to be on the table is whether or not a divorce is the absolute necessary end after adultery occurs in a marriage.

It has been presented that sometimes divorce is orchestrated by God through adultery.  Not meaning that God causes adultery, but instead that He allows it without intervention. If this is the case, then should the couple not fight to save the marriage after adultery but instead take the out that has been given to them and divorce?

Do we sometimes just have to admit that we’ve made a mistake and have married the wrong person or is that just an excuse? Is there any such thing as marrying the wrong person? Is Adultery God’s solution for a stiff-necked and disobedient person to get out of a bad situation that they have created for themselves?

If you are looking for a previous article it can be found on the Archives page here:

https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/archives/

 If you would like to become a born again believer in Yeshua/Jesus Christ and receive eternal salvation, please visit the Born Again page here: https://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/how-to-be-saved/         

 If you are interested in being a moderator or author for this weblog please e-mail me at laneenhaniah@victoriouslyfree.org     

(Please be advised that if you post a comment to any article on this weblog, you will automatically be added to the mailing list, receiving weekly updates about this site. If you do not want to be automatically added to this list all you have to do is add this phrase in parenthesis at the beginning of your first comment only: “I do not wish to be added to the mailing list”. You only have to add this phrase to the very first comment you post. It will protect you from receiving updates. Thank you for your cooperation.)

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This article and all of the insightful corresponding comments have been moved to the new and improved blog page at http://drintimacy.wordpress.com/2011/10/15/when-a-spouse-cheats-is-the-other-spouse-to-blame/  

Please use the above link to read and comment on this article. If you posted a comment on this article previously, you will find your comment at the new location. Thanks so much for your interest.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

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Sexuality is a gift from God, meant for us to enjoy. However, done improperly it becomes a deadly prison. Take it from a former prostitute that is now happily married — there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. Learn how to live a sexual lifestyle that will truly satisfy without putting you on the path of destruction!

In His Power,
Minister Laneen A. Haniah
Anavah – the blog owner and author of
The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook
www.victoriouslyfree.org 

Looking for a previous article? Click Here

Would you  like to become a born again believer in Yeshua/Jesus Christ and receive eternal salvation? Click Here    

Want to share a testimony? Click Here

Need advice about something? Click Here     

If you are interested in being a moderator or author for this weblog please  e-mail me at laneenhaniah@victoriouslyfree.org     

(Please be advised that if you post a comment to any article on this weblog, you will automatically be added to the mailing list, receiving weekly updates about this site. If you do not want to be automatically added to this list all you have to do is add this phrase in parenthesis at the beginning of your first comment only: “I do not wish to be added to the mailing list”. You only have to add this phrase to the very first comment you post. It will protect you from receiving updates. Thank you for your cooperation. ) ) 

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This page has been moved. All of the insightful and encouraging corresponding comments have also been moved as well. The new and improved blog page can be viewed at http://drintimacy.wordpress.com/2011/10/17/insights-from-dr-intimacy-exploring-the-naked-truth-about-sex-intimacy-and-relationships/

There is a lot more information on the new page and there will be plenty of other people sharing their experiences. Please use the above link to read and make comments. If you posted a comment on this article previously, you will find your comment at the new location soon. Thanks so much for your interest.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a holistic perspective – spirit, soul and body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com


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Anavah’s Family Portrait

Hi, my name is Laneen! This is a picture of me and my beautiful family – my wonderful husband Emmanuel, and our 6 children ages 13, 7, 6, 5, 3 and 1. Looking at us you definitely see my glory but you don’t know my story. I am a Minister of the Gospel now, but I didn’t always look like this, and I certainly did not always live like this.  I want to share with you a small portion of my struggles with sexual addictions and how I overcame.

When I was 2 years old I was regularly molested by a lesbian babysitter. Then shortly afterward, I was raped by one of my relatives. My childhood memories include watching pornography, seeing people have sex in front of me, laying in bed next to people who were masturbating and being instructed on how to do it to myself, playing with sex toys and being casually and haphazardly touched in my intimate places by male and female relatives just as a matter of habit.  I certainly became a product of my environment.

I started masturbating at the age of 5, developed a fond interest in pornography, took on a homosexual nature and attempted to have intercourse. If you can believe it or not, my greatest desire at the age of 5 was to see a penis! I was absolutely obsessed with seeing the male anatomy and tenaciously pursued my goal. Two of the greatest factors in fostering sexual addictions is rejection and insecurity. I suffered greatly from both. I can remember even at the age of 4 when I was in preschool that the other children did not like me. I was a misfit and an outcast before I even knew how to spell my own name. From the time I was 6 other girls were calling me “lesbo” and “dyke”.  

My Mom eventually cleaned up her life and got married but the demons of molestation followed us right into our new lives. Let’s just say that Mom always had a hankering for picking the wrong men and consequently sexual abuse continued on in my household behind closed doors.

I was crushed when I was told at the age of 10 that I would not be able to have children. Strong medications from a terminal illness had ravaged my reproductive system. Other than seeing male private parts (laugh), getting married and having a beautiful family one day was my life’s goal. I wanted to make the type of family that I didn’t have. How could that dream be taken away from me at such a young age? What purpose would my life hold when my heart’s desire had already been thwarted? 

At the age of fifteen I graduated from having sex with dolls, hairbrushes and carrots to intercourse with a real live man. I didn’t care about my life or health at that time. I was looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places and I was determined to prove those doctors wrong. I wanted to have a baby! I grew up in a fairly small city and so it didn’t take long for me to gain a reputation as the ‘neighborhood ho’. I thought having sex would help me find love, but truly it only led me to more hatred and rejection.

I eventually became an alcoholic and drug addict making all of the worse decisions for my life.  I left home at the age of 16 so that I could fully embrace my new life of addictions and the gates of hell were opened against me. It’s too long of a story to tell but before it was all said and done I had become a drug addict and dealer, a gang member, had been incarcerated several times, had been in mental institutions several times, had guns put up to my head on 4 different occasions, had been raped on 3 different occasions, had been jumped, stabbed, became a practicer of witchcraft, became a stripper and a prostitute, had sex with over 200 people, had contracted venereal diseases on 8 separate occasions and consequently had made 3 very serious suicide attempts!!!  

All of these things occurred in my life because my sexual addictions caused me to make the wrong choices. It’s a miracle that I am alive today, healthy, whole and a testimony of victory! I know that you must now be wondering how I went from the woman you just read about to the one you see in the picture above – right? Well…that’s the question that I want to answer for you. However, it is too much for me to address on the website and that is why I have written a book called, The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook.  In the book I will teach you everything that I learned about overcoming sexual perversions and addictions.

Isn’t it time that your story end in glory just like mine did? YES it is time – it is truly time for another level in your life!  

Until you can get your hands on the book though, feel free to blog me about anything you want to concerning life, sex, Christianity, addictions, my past -whatever…

You can visit my personal website too at http://www.victoriouslyfree.org/  

 

In His Power,
Minister Laneen A. Haniah

Anavah – the blog owner and author of
The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook
www.victoriouslyfree.org 

Looking for a previous article? Click Here

Would you  like to become a born again believer in Yeshua/Jesus Christ and receive eternal salvation? Click Here    

Want to share a testimony? Click Here

Need advice about something? Click Here     

If you are interested in being a moderator or author for this weblog please  e-mail me at laneenhaniah@victoriouslyfree.org     

(Please be advised that if you post a comment to any article on this weblog, you will automatically be added to the mailing list, receiving weekly updates about this site. If you do not want to be automatically added to this list all you have to do is add this phrase in parenthesis at the beginning of your first comment only: “I do not wish to be added to the mailing list”. You only have to add this phrase to the very first comment you post. It will protect you from receiving updates. Thank you for your cooperation. ) ) 

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