Wooooohooooo! That describes how I am feeling right now.

It has been almost 2 years now since I separated from my ex-husband. I think I can truly say I have finally healed. At long last I feel alive again. Divorce was a painful experience, but not nearly as painful as… well let’s save that for another post, lol. All I can say is for the first time in my life I understand who I am and why God put me on this earth. I understand my assignment like never before. I made my assignment revolve around the false image of a fairytale marriage, an image that I created. I hurt people by misleading them to believe I lived in a fairytale only to send reality crashing down on them, and for that I apologize. God took my idol — my marriage and my family — away from me, because I gave it the glory rather than Him. The life of a Prophet is often times a harsh one. God has a special love for His prophets, and those He loves the most, He also chastens the most.  But His reproof has caused a great re-birthing in my life and I am once again ready to share the joy of love and intimacy, and the victories of overcoming strongholds and detrimental beliefs about sex and relationships with my followers.

If you are looking for Pastor Emmanuel you can get his contact info on the home page of our old website, www.heartcompassion.org. He is doing wonderful. We have a great relationship post-divorce and work closely together as friends raising our children. A lot of people were blessed during our marriage and the fruit of that season was good for the time it endured. Don’t be sad for us. We are finally in position to be re-positioned in the center of God’s perfect will for our lives and about that we are both excited.  My assignment outlived my marriage, and here I was thinking that they were one in the same!  Shame on me for trying to imprison The Anointing within the confines of my temporal, human, self-made circumstance! It busted out at the seams! Hallelujah!  So please, go to my new blog page and help me spread the word.

All comments should be posted on the new blog. drintimacy.wordpress.com

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

“I have to say though, that comment about their being no “spirit of heterosexuality” and thus no “spirit of homosexuality” was amusing to me. I tend to agree with pastor Benny on this point. Nearly every sinful or demonic act is influenced by a particular type of demonic spirit. The names of demons are not particulary important, their function and their type is what matters. So you may not always see demons “named” in the Bible, but their fuction and type are outlined. That is why Jesus often cast demons out of people to heal them. Even in the case of Mary Magdalene, she was delivered from prostituion by the casting out of 7 demons. The Bible does not name the demons, but the function of those demons were made clear and thus such demons could be categorized or “typed” if you will as “spirits of prostitution” or “spirits of perversion”.

Furthermore, we do not need different spirits or type spirits of righteousness, such as a “spirit of heterosexuality” (if heterosexuality is being marked as a good thing here within the confines of a legal marriage)  to live right because there is only need of One Spirit to help us live righteously and that is The Holy Spirit. All righteous living is a result of the Spirit of God at work in our lives. In terms of heterosexual sin, that would be typed as  a “spirit of fornication”.  Although I definitely agree with you that all of these are derived from “the spirit of lust” which in actuality is merely “the spirit of satan”. So all sin is influenced by the spirit of satan as all righteousness is induced by “the spirit of God”!

I believe that ignorance concerning the workings of demonic spirits in our lives causes so many Christians to live a defeated life. Identifying a spirit does not give us excuses to sin, it gives ammunition to stop sinning! Typing a spirit is just specifying how the spirit of satan is working in your life specifically.”

Still Dr. Intimacy in spite of my current trial,

Prophetess Laneen A. Haniah

My circumstances have changed, not my vocation! My Status has changed, not my purpose! My challenge has changed, but not My Deliverer!

Health and Wellness in a gourmet cup

Books, CDs and DVDs by Dr. Intimacy

Anointed but cheap websites, lol

One of the issues that I often encounter when coaching people is the inability — or really the unwillingness — of many people to cry. Crying is an absolutely essential part of healing and deliverance. People often times don’t know how to use tears. Tears can be a healing balm or poisonous venom depending on how you apply them.

“In all thy getting, get an understanding.” Isn’t that what the Bible says? Even in crying you must have an understanding of why you are crying and what to expect as a result of your tears. One of the main reasons people fear crying is that they are afraid the pain of their past will be brought back to the surface and overwhelm them. But tears brought before The Father in brokenness and humility will not produce pain but will instead release pain.

Let me just take a moment to explain to you the revelation that is hidden in human tears in the hope that you will go ahead and have that good cry that is long overdue (smile).

What is a tear?

a: a transparent drop of fluid or hardened fluid matter (as resin)                                      
b: undissolved material that has been changed into glass or a glassy substance by heat and fusion:   close crystallization by high firing to make nonporous

While most of us know the common definition of the word ‘tear’, did you know that a tear can also be a hard, nonporous substance?  A revelation really hit my spirit when I read these above definitions in Merriam Webster’s On-line Unabridged Dictionary. The revelation is this: tears that remain in your heart, constantly warmed by the heat of anger, become hardened residue that imprisons your heart in bitterness and pain.

You should be crying almost every day!

Ok, I know that sounds a little bit over the top, but please allow me to explain. I am certainly not suggesting that we all ought to be crying everyday for the rest of our lives here on earth. However as we continually go through seasons of transition, growth and/or healing – yes we should be crying often. Now let me back that up in scripture.

“²He called a little child and had him stand among them.³And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Mat 18:2-3)“

Is not every true believer striving to enter into the Kingdom of God? Not heaven, but “His Kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven“:  “that life and life more abundantly“ that we were promised by Jesus as a result of His coming? Of course we are, and Jesus Himself said that would only happen if we become like little children. Not just children, but little children. Being a mother of seven, if there is anything I can say with certainty it is this: LITTLE CHILDREN CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY!!!

“Really though, why should I cry about stuff that happened decades ago?!!”

Well, I’m glad you asked. One of the first things I present to my clients during coaching sessions is the necessity of crying over their childhood. When helping a client work through issues of sexual perversion for instance, I explain to them, “You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to be perverted. Perversion was injected into your heart before you had a chance to decide.”

The problem is that often times when that injection takes place in our lives, whether it is an injection of perversion, anger, depression, rejection or otherwise – we are often too young to realize that we should be outraged at the state of our lives. At a time of our existence as children when it would be as easy as one, two, three to grieve; we fail to understand that we should grieve because we don’t know that what is being done to us is wrong. It is not until we come to an age of understanding many years into our adulthood that we suddenly realize, “Hey, I had a mucked up childhood! Momma shouldn’t have done that too me! Daddy should have been there!”

Once the realization and understanding comes it will be dealt with one, two or all of three ways:

                  1) Numbness and denial

                  2) Depression and sadness

                  3) Outrage and anger

No matter how you slice it up though, the only way to work through it at that point is to cry those dormant tears that are locked away in your inner being; the tears that have become the glassy residue that has hardened your heart and interfered with your intimacy with God and relationships with people.

Still don’t believe me? Well guess what another definition for tear is: “a drop of clear saline fluid.” Did you know that saline is basically the salty element found in some water? It is saline water that is used to flush out wounds. The first thing the nurse in the ER does is find out how you got cut. Next, the nurse flushes out your wound to access the damage and prepare it for an expeditious and hopefully uneventful healing process.  In other words, through your tears you will wash away all of the debris and foreign substances that were injected into you throughout your life. The release of your tears, your saline water, will flush out your heart and rinse away the dead things that are covering up your festering wounds.

And here is another jewel of revelation: If you put saline water in a container and allow it to evaporate, you will be left with salt. Salt is a preservative. That means that everything that has been hidden in your dormant tears for all these many years has been preserved for such a time as this! You haven’t lost anything at all. God has preserved your joy. He has preserved your restoration. He has preserved your destiny. All has been preserved in your tears.

So go ahead, cry your heart out and become the salt of the earth that Jesus said you would be as one of His disciples!!! Below I have listed some scriptures for you to write down, memorize and meditate on. Don’t expect these scriptures to yield a change in you right away. But as you keep meditating on these scriptures daily and going before the Lord, your heart will be softened and you will be able to cry. I am confident that in time, whether it is a few days or a few months, the streams will begin to flow from your eyes and you will start to heal like you never thought you could!

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.  Psalm 56:8

“In those days, at that time,” declares the LORD,
“the people of Israel and the people of Judah together
will go in tears to seek the LORD their God. Jer 50:4

Your tears create a noticeable fragrance that gets the Lord’s attention – they perfume the atmosphere with repentance and brokeness and God responds with His mercy and restoration.

 My friends scorn me, but I pour out my tears to God. Job 16:2

12 Hear my prayer, O Lord! Listen to my cries for help! Don’t ignore my tears.   Psalm 39:12

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. 8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,   my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 9 that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 116:7-9 

Once all of the stress and pain that you have been carrying around for years is finally washed away through your tears — crying often allows God to release healing to your body!

“Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you…  2 Kings 20:5

When it is all said and done, after your crying is over, you will harvest the Lord’s Joy!

Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy! Psalm 126:5

Press through the pain and let the tears fall! You cannot harvest joy if you do not sow your tears.  

In His Power,

Prophetess Laneen A. Haniah

Dr. Intimacy

www.laneenhaniah.com

]]> http://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/2009/01/20/have-you-had-a-good-cry-lately/feed/ 4 Dr. Intimacy http://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/2009/01/14/auctioning-off-your-virginity/ http://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/2009/01/14/auctioning-off-your-virginity/#comments Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:34:35 +0000 Dr. Intimacy http://christiansexuality.wordpress.com/?p=217 ]]>  

Just keeping you up to date on the madness going on out there! Can you believe this? Yes believe it!

In His Power,
Dr. Intimacy

Dear Dr. Intimacy,

I am struggling sexually in my mind. When I was about 5 or 6, my babysitters’ cousin began touching on my private area. So as to make me a little less uneasy while he did it, he’d turn on cartoons for me to watch. I had suppressed these memories along with many others until about 5 years ago. I am now married with children. I suddenly found myself remembering what was done to me as a child. I began looking at adult anime online. I became so addicted to it.

I struggled/am struggling to let that go and send it straight back to the depths of hell. On top of that, I recently started masturbating. I never found myself so attractive to the point where I’d actually touch myself, but here lately, I do it more than I should. I don’t want these lingering demons to transfer to my children. I want to stop. I pray against it all the time. I stay away from the computer except to check email or chat with friends and family. People who know me (or think they do) would never imagine me having these issues or struggles. God has been so gracious enough to keep me covered and my mess out of the light of day.

Also, to add insult and injury to devastation, I’ve been having dreams about a dear friend of mine. A friend who’s married and has his own kids. These dreams leave me wondering if I am married to the wrong person. I love my husband and children with all my heart and soul. It just seems that everything I’m not getting out of my marriage…like a listening ear, my friend has shown up and given me all over again. He’s unhappy in his situation, and cares a great deal about me. He never proposed adultery or anything, but did say he has loved me a long time. My mind just feels like this huge battleground. I think about my mess so much sometimes, I get a headache from it. I want to be truly happy and content with the life God gave me and leave my past where it is and move forward. I just find it so difficult to do so. Where should I begin?

Depressed & Confused

 Dear Depressed and Confused,

First let me say that I thank you for reaching out to me and I am so sorry for how you were violated as a child. Such wounds run deep, especially when you don’t know of the abuse until your adulthood, such as in your case. Even though the violation happened many years ago, for you it is still a fresh wound because you only became aware of it recently.

Your emotional response to cope by indulging in anime is an attempt on your part to normalize your experience. It is sometimes so much easier to try to justify someone violating you than it is to truly accept the violation and the subsequent anger and pain that you will feel as a result.

Now the addiction to anime, or an addiction to anything for that matter, would surely perpetuate the desire for masturbation since at the root of the activity, you are trying to gain control of your life. You are trying to control your emotions and for a brief moment masturbation makes you feel very much in control of yourself. It makes you feel strong and desirable, until… it is over with of course. Then you crash.

The attraction to your neighbor falls in line with wanting to be rescued from the chaos that your life seems to have become. It is so much easier to magnify his good qualities instead of face the challenge of working on issues in your home. You are just so stretched right now, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… you feel like you don’t have anything else to give. Toying with the idea of adultery gives you the pleasure of relief from it all for a short time. I am sharing these things with you because if you understand what you are doing, you have a better chance of overcoming the behavior. I understand Sis, I’ve been there.

• 1) Cease all communication with your neighbor IMMEDIATELY. You play with fire and you will get burned. Falling into adultery is not going to help you or him!!!
• 2) You really need to work through your feelings with a counselor. What happened to you was devastating and even though it happened a long time ago, you have every right to still be hurt over it. But, you need to get healed.
• 3) You need to be very open with your husband about what you are struggling with. As much as you think he can handle, you need to tell him.
• 4) You need to saturate your life with any and everything that will build you up spiritually – Christian TV, Reading or listening to the Bible, on-line Christian communities, prayer groups, etc… Building up your spirit man will empower you to overcome the weakness of your flesh.
• 5) Lastly for now, getting some resource materials to help you understand what you are going through is a MUST! We perish for lack of knowledge. Empower yourself with understanding of how the devil is fighting you and how you can fight back successfully. I have some great resources on the product page and I am sure you can find some other resources on-line.

Because this is the most highly researched topic on my blog, with the most comments; it now has its own dedicated page on my new blog. There is a lot more information and there will be plenty of other people sharing their experiences. Please use the above link to read and comment on this topic. If you posted a comment on this article previously, you will find your comment at the new location soon. Thanks so much for your interest.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a holistic perspective – spirit, soul and body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com

Dear Anavah,

Never posted on a blog or a Christian website; so here goes. I’ve read all your advice yet still wanted to receive some wisdom.

The issue I have struggled with is my marriage to a Christian man since I was 23. I’m now 47. We both were Christians when we married. Soon, I was stricken with a debilitating disease. He had to care for me and my depression. I was able to finish college and graduate school. Soon, we bought a house, I had 2 miscarriages. I was very promiscuous as a teen and also found out my disease was associated with an early trauma in the womb of my mother. Anyhow, as life goes, my husband began to pull away from me. He found it hard to be around me and my fatigue. I still worked and did all I could to be a good wife. Soon, he began raging on me. I became bitter and found myself in an affair. Something I never ever thought about. He found out and was mad. I ended the relationship but he would always still yell at me and I was scared all the time. Soon, I became involved over and over with many men as a way to “get even” I certainly didn’t know how to stop all this chaos. For the past 12 years this crazy life continued. However, I stopped my addiction to men 3 years ago when the Lord came down on me. My husband knows of only 2 of my sins. I would love to tell him but he is yelling, screaming, or pouting so I literally am unable to talk to him. Needless to say……..we havestuck it out but he continues to be passive-aggressive. I get headaches whenever he is around. I can’t think, my heart hurts and I get fatigued and feel sick. I wonder if he is the main reason I still struggle with my sickness. We are involved at church and can’t really get “real” about this. I told him to stop yelling at me and he will say “i’m not yelling”. So……… I can only say I feel better when he’s not here and worse when he is here. I hate the D word but see no hope or future. I’m really concerned about my depression, my lack of motivation and unable to get him to care about taking care of the house. It’s been 17 years and he hasn’t used 1 screw to fix any one thing???

Weird, huh? I don’t get it. Is he waiting for me to end it? Am I to D him or keep on hanging on by a thread. I’m getting so weary and find it almost unbearable to cope. I’ve asked to see counselors but when we do the problem gets worse and anger escalates. He seems not to care about anything. I’m unable to talk to him about my faith or sermons because he feels interrogated. He has yelled at me “SUBMIT” and he goes to bed angry each night. This hurts and I tell him and he just deny’s EVERYTHING THAT I SAY??? I consider him a psychopathic christian. Everyone thinks he’s an Angel; but I bear the brunt of this angelic man.

I know this is long but just wanted your insight. Thanks for your website and help!!!

In Him,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Most of the time I have a quick answer for people, but every so often I am hit by a question or comment that stops me in my tracks and causes me to go before God for additional wisdom. Your letter was one of those letters that made me slow down.

Let me say first of all that I, speaking as myself and on behalf of God, promote the mending of a broken marriage if it is at all possible. Biblically speaking, unless adultery has been committed or someone in the marriage is being physically abused, Divorce is not even an option. I will not even help anyone entertain the notion of divorce outside of those two scenarios.

However once adultery has been committed and the marriage covenant has been broken, whether or not a marriage stays together really becomes more of a matter of “discovery”. What I mean when I say that is that the Bible says, “What God has put together, let no man put assunder”. Unfortunately, a lot of marriages are doomed before they even begin because the relationships were never put together by God in the first place. In this case adultery and/or unhappiness is inevitable. I personally believe that even in light of God’s hatred for divorce, he allows it in the case of adultery only because He does not want people that have joined together in undestined marital covenants outside of His will to be forced to stay together. Thus I say again that adultery becomes nearly inevitable when ungodly marital covenants are formed.

Now does this mean that every case of adultery happens because the couple involved was never supposed to get married? Certainly not! There are other factors that often lead to adultery in a marriage and many times couples just don’t know how to recover once adultery has been committed even though they sincerely do want to stay together. 

That is why I say to you Confused that right now it is just a matter of “discovery” for you and your husband (or you alone if your husband is unwilling to go through this process together). The most important thing that you can do is get before God, whether that be alone or with a skilled adviser, and let the Holy Spirit reveal to you where your problem started — in an undestined relationship that never should have been, or in a predestined relationship that was successfully sabotaged by satan. If the answer is the former then the next question is, “Is it God’s will for this covenant to be re-established and strengthened or for a divorce to take place?” If it is the latter the question is, “Are you and your husband willing to do the necessary work of denying of self to take back what the enemy has stolen?”

I know that you probably want more from me than this, but your situation is seriously complex and you are going to haveto take this one step at a time right now, so I can’t give you anymore than this. However, after you fulfill the mandate of discovery, you are welcome to let me know what conclusion you have come to and I will advise you further. Or even moreso, if you and/or your husband is willing, my husband and I are skilled advisers in matters of sexuality and adultery in marriage. We can walk you through this process until some conclusion and/or closure has been achieved. I really know that both you and your husband will need some help to successfully get through this. And Confused even though it seems twisted, counseling often makes things worse before it makes them better. You have to be willing to press through those initial rough sessions that drudge up the dead bodies of the past of your relationship. It is an emotional stench in the beginning that stings the eyes until tears fall, but it gets better — as long as those counseling you know what they are doing and are anointed by God. The fact that your husband was even willing to go is such a positive sign. Many men will not even consider it.

I hope this info is helpful and that you will write me again!

In His Power,

Minister Laneen A. Haniah

AKA “Anavah”

Senior Administrator

Christian Sexuality Weblog

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons

Homosexuality is defined in the dictionary as “having an attraction for the same sex”. An attraction is no more than a “feeling” and a “feeling” in and of itself is not a sin. For example the Bible says, “Be angry and sin not”. Anger is a feeling and in and of itself, the feeling of anger is not a sin. It is what you do with those angry feelings that determine whether or not you have sinned. Therefore homosexuality, according to the above definition, is not in and of itself a sin. Those destined for hell would have to sign a waiting list to get in if “feelings” alone caused us to be guilty of sin!

I am for lack of a better term, a Christian Sex Therapist. What I do is help people overcome sexual sins through Biblical advisement and personal exploration and healing.  The Bible is clear on the fact that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a sin. That would of course include all gay/lesbian sexual activity because in God’s Word their is no allowance for homosexuals to marry. The Bible also makes specific mention of gay/lesbian sex in several places as it being a specific and abominable act of fornication.

You have to understand that the original translation of the Bible never used the term “homosexuality”. The Bible does speak specifically of fornication that takes place between those of the same sex — in other words the Bible clearly marks gay/lesbian sexual activity as sin — but it does so without ever condemning an individual for having homosexual “feelings”. No one is ever condemned by the Word of God for how they feel, they are only condemned for the sinful response to how they feel. You are not condemned for feeling stressed, but you are condemned if you get drunk in response to that feeling of stress. You get my drift I’m sure.

Ok, so I’m fessing up now – you get no argument from me about whether or not homosexuality is Biblically unrighteous. However,  the Bible actually has a lot more to say about heterosexual fornication than it does homosexual fornication!  One of the struggles that I have when counseling with homosexuals is convincing them that God loves them. This is because their mind relates God to the hateful and mean “so-called” Christians that try to make it seem as if homosexuality is the worse sin on the planet. Furthermore, my homosexual clients struggle with feelings of guilt for their very existence as human beings because they are “emotionally” attracted to the same sex. It is how one deals with those feelings of attraction for the same sex that determines whether or not they have sinned, but this is not the picture that the church paints for them.

What is my point in saying this? I am certainly not an advocate for homosexuality! But this is my struggle… If I can’t get people to accept their very existence as good purposeful; or get them to receive the Love of God; then there will be no success in counseling them. Thus I have to spend numerous sessions proving to homosexuals that God loves them and that He is not hateful and mean like the heckling Christians that have taunted them. It is often difficult to get beyond the guilt and condemnation that they experience simply because they are still having homosexual feelings of attraction.  This puts us almost in a catch 22 type situation because those homosexual feelings cannot be resolved outside of understanding and receiving the love of God and their purpose for existence; yet at the same time the love of God and purpose for existence cannot be embraced when one is weighed down with guilt and condemnation – uggghhh!

Therefore, in direct response to “Gay Christian Movement Watch” weblog I say this:

 I don’t think it is neccessarily wrong that some mainstream Christian leaders have not blatantly spoke out against homosexuality specifically. Sin is sin and I believe to focus on one particular sin can be dangerous. With so much focus on homosexuality, others that don’t struggle in this area may become pious and self-righteous, believing that they have arrived. I believe that the biggest sin in the church is PRIDE. That needs to be talked about more than anything else! Once pride, carnality and disobedience is delt with, and people are taught to have “relationship” and not just “religion”, there will be no sin – including gay/lesbian fornication. Right now, it may be more important for mainstream Christian leaders like TD Jakes and Creflo Dollar to do “damage control” on behalf of some of these other idiotic people out there that are              (mis)representing Christianity with hatred instead of with the Love and Grace of God. If we cannot get homosexuals to come to church then how can we minister to them, and if we cannot minister to them then how will they be saved and healed? Yet, why would they want to come when they feel as if they are the absolute worse thing that has happened to humanity according to our religious standards?

It is every Christian leaders responsibility to raise the Biblical standard of righteousness on this earth. The Bible talks about “sin” period. Of all the words written in the Bible, there are a mere handful that specifically address gay/lesbian sexuality. So why should we as leaders put it on a pedastal as the sin of all sins? We as Christians have to live HOLY and that is the bottom line. Not being a homosexual is included in living HOLY, but so is not gossiping, backbiting, being prideful, lying, ignoring the Sabbath, cheating, stealing, not praying, oppressing the poor, being disobedient, practicing witchcraft, not reading the Bible enough, regarding zodiac signs, watching rated “R” movies, using profanity, disrespecting our husbands and wives, not tithing, not submitting to authority, speeding on the highway, being manipulative, refusing to fast, not giving to the poor, murdering unborn babies, etc…

You see how long this list could get? You see how small the one act of homosexuality can look in this big long list? Why should we highlight that one thing? Why don’t we stop fooling ourselves and start promoting HOLINESS and righteous living and stop living carnal worldly lives? Once the church begins to live HOLY, we won’t have to make ourselves feel better by beating homosexuals over the head with condemnation! It is then that they will come and be cleansed and made whole…

In His Power,

Anavah

Christian Sexuality Senior Administrator

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons

Candice, first of all I would just like to apologize to you on your mother’s behalf. I don’t know if she has ever apologized to you but I know how awful it feels to have a lesbian for a mother and despise the lifestyle. For a few years when I was a child my mother lived a lesbian lifestyle. I too hated it. I didn’t know being a lesbian was looked down upon in society or that it was Biblically wrong so I was not embarrassed, but in my heart I just didn’t feel right about it. When I was 2 years old, one of my mother’s lesbian friends babysat my older sister and I, and the babysitter sexually molested me on a regular basis for months.

I do understand how you feel Candice. However, I want to help you by making clear to you that forgiveness is not a “feeling”, it is an action. Jesus gives us the four step formula for forgiveness in the Bible. In Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”.  The truth is Candice that when you initially begin to implement these four steps of forgiveness, you may not “feel” better. However, if you are consistent and diligent in doing these four things then you will eventually feel better in your soul about the mistakes your Mom made.  You have to keep implementing these four steps until you feel better, until you are no longer taunted by the hurt that has been caused you.

One of the things that really helped me to forgive my Mom for the mistakes that she made was allowing myself to see my Mom through God’s eyes. When the Father looks upon us, He does not look for our sins, he looks for our wounds. He does not look upon us with a critical and judgmental eye, but He looks upon us with a compassionate eye – he looks for our wounds and then sets Himself to heal those wounds. My Mom went through so much as a child and as a single mother trying to raise me and my sisters. Even though she made some mistakes, she loved me very much and did the very best she could. I finally learned to appreciate my Mother for what she did right as opposed to being bitter over what she did wrong!

After much time in loving and compassionate interecession for my Mom, she gave her life to Christ! It was my love for her and my prayers that brought her out of a backslidden condition and back into the Body of Christ. Now she is an ordained minister and she and I do conferences together. You have a tremendous power to pray for your mother Candice, being her daughter God will hear your prayers for her before he will hear even her own. 

Candice love you Momma and enjoy the time that you have left with her. How would you feel if she died tomorrow? Would you feel guilty about how you treated her, or would you regret not having more time with her? Don’t let that happen to you!

And Candice, what I say next will cut, but it is the truth… embarrassment is a manifestation of pride. A lot of your issue with your Mom is because of pride in your own heart preventing you from being able to love her. There are a lot of reasons to hate being raised by a lesbian, but embarrassment is not one of them. You should have been happy to have a Mom that loved you enough to keep you and have been proud of her no matter what her sexual orientation was. The love that God has for you is unconditional… is this the kind of love that you have shown to your Mom?

In His Power,

Anavah

www.laneenhaniah.com

www.myspace.com/sexuallytransmitteddemons